I remember being dressed up by my mum for school at St Patrick’s, then being put in a car after class and ending up in a house I didn’t know. I was six, maybe seven, and from then on I moved through about six different foster families around Leyton — sometimes with my older brother, sometimes alone. At one place I started banging my head to get to sleep, I did things like wetting the corridor when I couldn’t work out how to move around other people’s houses, and I learned to have my back up. It shaped my trust and my anger, but I also want to say straight away there were carers who gave me things my mum couldn’t afford and people I still respect for what they did.
The day it started
I can picture it: I get up, my mum makes sure I look well for school — I go to St. Patrick's — normal. Then after school I'm in a car and I end up somewhere new. I was thinking, 'Mum, what's happening here?' because I was only six, maybe seven.
Those pick-ups after school became a regular thing and I started wondering where my siblings were and why this was happening.
Foster homes in Leyton and sleeping by banging my head
I went to a house in Leyton — I think there was a black family — and that was one of about six different families I ended up with around Leyton. I don’t want to name roles now, but I moved around a lot.
At one place I started banging my head to go to sleep. I used to do things at night — like pissing in the corridor — maybe sleepwalking, maybe not; I wasn’t scared, I was just a kid trying to manage in someone else’s home.
My older brother moved into a home with me for a while, and we had a couple of foster brothers. There were belts and a few slaps, and as a child you’re trying to work out what 'being protected' even means.
How it shaped me — trust, anger and gratitude
I’m not saying the system made me what I am, but it shaped me. From about seven to ten my trust with adults and family slid out the window — I had my back up and I carried little angers.
That said, I can’t paint everyone with the same brush. I give 80% respect to the children's home and foster system. Some foster carers gave me loads and I appreciate them — one in Hackney, another in Leyton — and I’ve got love for them.
But there were negatives too: budget trips, hand-me-down trainers, feeling done over. Those bits stuck with me and moulded some of my future thinking.
School, peers and what I want others to hear
At school I was surrounded by different kids — white, black, Chinese, Spanish — and I wasn’t seeing colour the way others might. But I wanted teachers to understand what was going on for me.
I’m speaking to kids in homes now: some of you won’t be in the right homes, teachers might not give basic support, and some mates came out troubled. I’m trying to be straight with you — respect the mums who were struggling, respect my mum — and I’ll keep talking about this in more depth.
Adapted from my video with AI assistance. The video is the original account.
Read the video transcript +
Welcome everyone, Legions Word. Yeah, as I'm gonna say, I'm just gonna go straight into that 1986 when I was in St. Patrick's School. So anyway, I remember going to school one day. I've gone to school, normal, get dressed, you know, look pretty. My mum and that knows, makes sure I look well, yeah? Well dressed and that for school. So I go to school, St. Patrick's. I've got siblings, so there's a picture somewhere. And if I can find that picture, I'll show you the picture. So anyway, I go to school, normal thing, class and that, leave school, come home. My man's in a cab. I don't even know if it's a cab or a car, whatever, with some, I won't say social worker, but I just know I'm ending up in a new home, yeah, in a house. And I'm thinking, mum, what's going on here? But my mum's six, yeah, six, maybe six, seven, yeah, so I'm in a house, I'm thinking, mum, what's happening here? And I remember that house, it was in Leyton somewhere, so I think there was a black family. And what I also know now, I don't know this now, they would try and keep you with your brothers and sisters in it, yeah? I don't know anyway, so I'll maybe end up in this home. That was one home, so I think I spent about, I've done about six different families in Leyton from, I don't even want to name the roles now, but there's six families in Leyton, yeah? And then that was that. So I think maybe, I don't know if I was crying or I wasn't comfortable, I wasn't showing signs of wanting to stay at this home, so we go to another home. And then I remember, then we go again, so now I go back to school in it, and certain things, I'm not saying for the teachers to understand, because I'm six, but I've got my other little friends about in it, and I'm wondering, what they are going through on a day-to-day in it. But what it's going to shape me to be, later on you're going to see, is just my emotion with my little angers in it. Another home anyway, and then this one home, I don't know when I started doing it, yeah, I just bang my head in it. I bang my head, bang my head to go to sleep, bang my head to go to sleep. And then, yeah, bang my head to go to sleep, and then I'll be, and then I think, let me move again, because I'm going to link up with my brother later, my older brother Richard, that's what, yeah, let me call it R, because I'm using this right now. So he moved into a home with me as well, this is a foster care in Leyton. And I used to, I don't know if I was sleepwalking, but I'll be straight, I'm not scared, but I'm 7'8", I don't know, but I'll just piss in your corridor, which was, remember, this is, remember later on, I'm not going to relate it now, but I'm just saying, the toilet's not too far, but it's dark and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to move, around other family people, remember they're not my family. And then, so I had a couple of foster brothers, I'll discuss you later on, and then we're talking about the relationship between me being in the care system and me going to school. And then remember, as I said it before, when you're in them days, I've always kind of seen my mum and dad, maybe I'm not too sure, in the 80s, I'm not sure, because I've got pictures with my siblings after the 80s. Now, to kids that might relate to this, not relate to, but I've done a statistic the other day as well, not the other day, about two days ago, just so I'm up to speed with the children's home.
If I'm correct, I think there's like 125,000 kids still in the system. I don't know the population of London, but that's what's going on today, maybe England and Wales. And then I referred it back to when I was in there. So the numbers ain't really changed, yeah? But the people, from today's kids and our kids, I think we're changing a bit. But let me just stick to my thing. I'm still six and seven. So we go to the student zone first. My thing was, if you're... Well, I'm six and a half, so I've taken out my house. But then this other one, you're doing a lot. You're calling me and my brother downstairs. And there's belts going on and a few slaps in it. But you know who you are. What I've got licks for, maybe it was justified anyway. But you have to understand, being a child, no disrespect, see, when you're slapping me and my brother, I don't know my mum and dad. And I thought the whole thing of going into these places was so we're getting protected in a different way. But anyway, yeah, so remember, I'm going to go back again. So I'm in the car from school. That's become a regular occurrence now. These cars, social workers, after school, we're getting picked up. But there's a way where you can kind of see your mum. So we go to a little centre. Your mum might be there for a moment. Remember, in my head, my mum, she's perfect. I still want to know what I'm doing around the streets. And where's my siblings? Because I've got brothers and sisters. Anyway, so I'll go home to home and then I'll find... And I have to respect these guys, like, and I'm going to use initials. Because you lot now, believe it or not, because the way I'm thinking, you've actually shaped a bit of my future. So I'm going to go, J.D., yeah? M.W., N.C., you're like, yeah, man, you're British, I mean, you used to love fighting in school, innit? But remember, you don't know how I'm seeing it. So when I'm coming to your houses and you lot, yeah, big up my white regents in primary school, because for me, and it's not about colour. Remember, we don't see no colours now. There's no colours. There's nothing wrong with colours in my mind. Remember, I've got white, black, Chinese, Spanish, all in the primary school time. But I came to school, I thought I was... I was actually, in my head, I'm... Listen to what I'm saying, because I might go a bit fast, innit? I'm a bit of an emotional person, but I'm six, seven, eight, innit? And I want to know why I'm in these homes. And these homes ain't homes, but I can say they've... All of them have been looked after me the way a kid should be looked after. And because I've got my kids now, I'm going to try and stay at this age, innit? I want to know what's going on and for the teachers to understand me. And this, I'm not going to blame this on what's going on later on in my life, but it might have a... What's the word I'm looking for? It might have an influence or... Let me not cheat with my wording, man. I'm trying to find a word. The word's not important right now. I don't know if it's turned me into the way I am today, but it's shaped me. And I'll tell you why it's shaped me in a bad way. In a bad way, because my emotions have... They was from about seven, eight, nine, and ten. My trust with adults and people and different family members went out the window. I've got my back up. But at the same time, the amount of mums and dads I've had in my life to show me... Remember, I've been in...
I don't think we went Indian them days, I'm not sure. We don't go Indian but we went white and we went black and they try and keep you together as I said again. But the main thing of my topic of the stories are we're doing all of the things respectfully to the children's home system that I might not have done at home. As I said, I've got love and treatment but when it came to going on the outings and the trips and the coach and all these little things like full park. But then now looking at it, I look at it like right, they're clever because bear in mind my mum's a lovely woman innit but she might not be able to afford the little treats. So I'm not talking about grooming because this is what they've got to do innit, they're getting a budget. They're going to get a budget to look after kids and take you from your home and kind of give you a better life. That's my understanding of the peer system. And there's foster carers out there that I'd like to appreciate because I spent years in them. One in Hackney, stand that. You gave me loads as well so I appreciate the foster brothers in Hackney. One in Leighton as well, the same woman that gave me a few licks and all that. You, I appreciate you. The other lot, I'm not going to give you too much time because you lot done things wrong. As I said again, we don't drink, no Weetabix and water's good now because I get it, you can do that. If you've not got the milk, you can have Weetabix and water. But you had all the stuff in your ass. No you did, you had a lot of kids and that's why I met another little guy called Big Up Him as well. I'm going to talk about you later as well sometime when we move on from there. See them little things, we're going to change that up and hopefully you lot can, the whole system thing, before you're taking them, just see what you're trying to breed or what the motive is in it. Some of us don't need the extra, no, no, no. This is important as well because I'm just going to give you all me, yeah? Straight as I can give it to you. See when we're young, we're kind of watching up what other kids have got. This is what I say, so I'll come into school and I'm thinking, my first wedding all groomed. Now I'm coming, never late really, I don't know because my mum never was late, but now I'm in different scenarios, innit? Because I might be coming from a different area to get to school on time and then we're going on these field trips. I'm going to laugh because there's a budget. You're not getting a good budget, yeah? You're not getting a good budget. So the budget is, I don't know what the budget is for us foster care kids, but I know I'm getting done over, yeah? And that's the bit I'm not going to forget, the little trainer things where we go to the, like if you're getting a hundred, a thousand pound, yeah? You're going to give me, what are you going to give me and my brother? Maybe a little next trainers and a little shorts, but you take us to the budget shops, which I said, this is all going to, what's the word? It's going to mold me next in the future, yeah? So I'm not going to stay on this topic too long now because this is an emotional topic and there's kids out there that they're in children's homes, innit? Some of them ain't in the right homes, innit? Some of them are coming to school and the teachers ain't giving them the little basic supports because I got the support though, that's what I'm trying to say. So I'd like to know, see, but how the kids today, because my thing is, come to school, they know you're in a children's home, they know you're not in your house and they know all these things are going on, yeah?
And they'd kind of say, like, do you need help? You need to kind of do any silly stuff. I didn't do all that, yeah, but I appreciate what you've done. Because I'm trying to reach a generation, yeah, and I'm trying to tell them, like, there's no right or wrong way in it. Respect the mums that were struggling and respect my mum to pieces, as I said. So me explaining my little thing, and I haven't gone into too much depth, because I don't think it's fair, but it's not that fair, is it? Because I've got my siblings, and remember, I've got friends that's been in the children's home system. Remember, some of them have not been, like, how can I explain it? I know friends that have come out the wrong way, where they've been troubled in children's homes, and you know what I mean by troubled, and then they've been troubled in the worst way in it, and they haven't always come back so fine. But after this little story, I'm just explaining, I've got 80% respect the children's home foster care system, it was about my sisters, and I don't know if they've had the same experience, and they're going to say yeah. No, but I had a little word with my sister the other day, she goes, no, I loved it in there, I had loads of stuff in there. So sweet, but she went to children's homes, and we went individual foster parents, so not everyone is mother and father material, not everyone can just be taken on your kids, yeah? But as I said again, the school system, with the children's home system, and with all these little kids, with my mates in school, yeah, because I might have just seen it just a bit different, and remember, what was I going to say? Do you know what? I don't know how long I've been going on with this, because this is me being me, yeah? I'm in speech issue, yeah? Leeds is worth London, isn't it? We're going to get on to the next topic next week, yeah? But gradually now, and all the kids that's been listening today, or hope you're listening though, because yeah, this is the 1980s, and I'm going to give you one more. So in our day, it was, what was we watching now? Can't remember, but you lot know, what's it called, Tracy Beaker, and them little shows and this. That's where we're at, what I'm trying to discuss, but we're going to get into it in more depth, yeah? Thank you for listening, bye.
